joEy's bEary adventure

Barry White woke up and rolled over on the bush he was using for a pillow. "This nature stuff is for the birds. Trees everywhere. I’m too big for these tiny nature overgrowths."

Guess it's time to eat some berries and head to the river for fish.

There are no showers in the woods. Rainstorms yes — but I long for a people made shower. One with a backscratcher. I want the fancy shampoo and the creamy conditioner to make my bear fur soft.

Why is my name White? I'm a black bear. None of that makes any sense.

I think I was born in the wrong species. This animal stuff is so blah. Every day it's so ughhhh.

STOMP STOMP towards the river. Everyone stops then runs away. It's such a lonely life.

Grumble grumble. My tummy needs some fish. I gotta catch them with my paws. I've seen humans use poles and that looks fun. I would love to kick back and watch a pole bend when a fish waits for me. But noooo I'm a bear and bears do it the bear way.

I gotta get in the stream and watch for the fish. Now I'm wet. Theres no fluffy white towels that showers have. Hello fish! Nom nom! Raw right in my tummy. No chef to prepare it. No table with a fancy tablecloth with silverware (that I can't even use but it would look nice) and candles! What I would do for a candle light dinner?

The woods are so dark at night. The full moon is the only time there's extra light in my world. I see humans with hand held lights or lights that go very fast and make vroom vroom sounds.

One day I will vroom vroom like a human. Once I get my chance I'm going for it. The wood life is not exciting when you’re wandering around the same sticks, twigs and trees over and over again.

Just when Barry was so bored he thought he’d hibernate early, he spotted a car making the windy road up the hill. It vroom vroomed with lights. Barry thought "OH MY… change has come my way."

joEy had just arrived at the mountain cave cabin and was slowly moving his belongings inside. Barry didn't know how to make his acquaintance so in the middle of the night he knocked the cottage trash bin down the mountain.

One night Barry noticed the Subaru Crosstrek. Ding Ding Ding! Joey left his keys in the car and the door open!

Barry thought he might be a little too chubby to fit in the seat but he was going to try. Oh boy was he gonna try! He raced to the open car and squeezed his big hairy bear butt into the seat. He pushed and pulled a lot of buttons and levers until it started to move. Vroom vroom pushing and pulling the switches and petals.

Just then the navigation system turned on and set joEy's house as the destination.

Barry figured out how to reverse the car but he FORGOT TO CLOSE THE DOOR! So that got snapped off on a tree but that's ok he liked the extra air. On his way down the windy mountain he saw joEy and a forest ranger in a hat running after him so he gave them a friendly HONK HONK. Thanks for the adventure Joey!

Wow what a fun way to be a bear! Driving a car that needs no driver! Where will it take me? Don't stop bearliving is blaring on the radio!

Barry was excited to leave the woods and see what all the pasture animals saw. The navigation system took bEary on many different roads and he was filled with wonderment as the car drove.

The car pulled up in front of a brick house with flowers planted outside. Oh how nice he thought. Let's push more buttons and see what happens.

Sure enough the garage door opened.

Looks like Barry’s home! Let's just knock this door over. Oh hello felines. Don't mind me I'm here for a shower then I'll be on my way.

The cats were stunned. First time seeing a bear up close. Luna sauntered closely but not too close and made her way outside. She’s got her rounds to make. Boy cats to tease.

Twiddles wanted to protect the dental health supplies so he kept an eye out on the bathroom but stayed in a good hiding place.

Birmingham, aka Birmingham the biggest of all the cats gave zero fuks that BEAR had entered the house. Very unusual, but you never know what to expect from MOUNTAIN LION COUGAR CAT.

Hmm what's that yummy smell? Protein cookies? Oh yes I'll have those. I'll have whatever smells good. Barry trashed the kitchen. There are no kitchens in the woods. It's just sticks. You ever see a pile of sticks and think — this is a mess? No you just say — oh there's a big pile of sticks. Barry emptied out and tried every single box in the cabinets including Ezekiel 4:9 sprouted grain cereal.

Then he said I've had a magnificent car ride, it's time for fluffly towel time after a hot shower. And so he went. He shoved his large bear body under the showerhead and turned it on. Ever notice plumbing fixtures are paw friendly?

All the hot water. Beary could stand here all day. And he did! Till the water went cold. Then he got all the fluffy white towels and wrapped himself in them. Ahh a dream come true! He was so relaxed he fell asleep.

As Beary slept in the house against all HOA rules, joEy found himself in the woods at the very stream bEary had visited earlier. joEy pawing at the fish while his stomach grumbled. He loved being a bear he was never going back.